“When we learn to truly love and care for ourselves, the way others treat us will change…..by what we draw to us and/or release from us. If I am allowing mistreatment then something is off in how I am loving and caring for me. This is always where the work must begin…within. This can sometimes be a challenge for those who have lived a long lifetime of abuse…but it’s the only way to stop the madness. We get the life we THINK we deserve.” – Donna Garden
This quote originated in social media, and I asked the author to formally submit it to this site.
According to Donna, this post originated by pondering “that we can often allow something because we believe it is what is helping us to change us…which is true to a certain degree. But, perhaps we have it turned around in some circumstances…perhaps we need to allow the inner change so that we no longer believe we deserve this in our lives to begin with.”
I noted a few other observations from the media stream:
- “I want what’s best for everyone involved .. *including myself*”.-A.F.R.
- Being self-sacrificial is not healthy.
- “You change and others around you do as well”.-T.R.
- “Some people are so self-absorbed, abusive, addicted, and hate themselves so much that they are unable to respond to genuine love. No person who loves their self should allow abuse and extreme neglect from another person. I believe they should seek freedom and love them from a distance. Sometimes not enabling others to harm us can be the greatest demonstration of love to them that there is”. ….Love can and does reach out, and it really changes people. Having been on the receiving end of abuse and neglect, I have seen it happen in my own life, and the amazing thing is I have seen my greatest enemy and abuser transform into a friend who loves me… All because I put a stop to the abuse and never stopped offering love from a safe distance. It took years, but I was so excited when this happened! -J.H.
- Self love with BOUNDARIES are key. It’s not about them, but YOU.-T.K
- Walk away…and hold their memory in your heart. Just my journey: The more I own my family of origin issues I can see the reason why I was drawn to my spouse….I married what I knew. NOW that I am on the road to health, I can see him from a different perspective: one of compassion…not only for HIM, but for all people. -T.K.
The moment when it ‘clicked’ for me was when I understood that I am not responsible for someone else’s happiness. Happiness is within. That’s when I finally said NO MORE to abusive and nasty behavior and I WALKED AWAY from that which was unhealthy for me and for my children.